On this Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, a time of remembrance, reflection and hope for unity; I remember a moment that changed my life forever.
A Long Way From Home
A dozen years ago, my colleague and I traveled along North Tryon Street just after 5 pm on a Tuesday afternoon. We turned into a neighborhood of brick homes; then made several turns before we came upon the entrance to Martin Luther King Jr. Middle School. During my twenty years living in Charlotte, I had never been on that street. As we entered the school parking lot, I said to my friend, “we’re a long way from home”. The implication was clear. This place looked socially, economically, and culturally different than where I lived. I had ventured out of my comfort zone. So, why had we come? We had a date to lead a parents’ session as part of my Be There Dad series working with the local Parks and Recreation center.
Honesty
Here’s one thing that I have learned. If we are going to help kids; if we are going to help their parents help them; if we are going to do God’s work; we had better be honest with ourselves and with others. So, let me be honest. At this particular moment, I was uncomfortable. It was classic fear of the unknown. My only view of this neighborhood had been through the window of the eleven o’clock news. I had not tried to avoid this area, but I had never before had a reason to be here. I did not know what to expect.
Not From Around Here
As I entered the gym it was easy for the people there to recognize me as “someone who is not from around here”. But, shortly I would be addressing a room full of those parents, who were “from around here”, telling the stories I had told successfully so many times before. But this time, I knew the episode of Coach Jeff Presents could be different. So I wondered. Will they relate to what I am saying? Will I be able to connect to them as I have with other groups? Will I be able to answer their questions? I wondered if I should change my presentation and tell different stories. I wondered. I was nervous. In an effort to relax, I reminded myself of the question I always use to encourage other dads. I asked myself, “What would you do if you were not afraid?
We had to bring in extra folding chairs as the small auxiliary gym filled up…. more than fifty parents sat patiently before me. I saw smiles, I shook hands, and I began to feel welcome. I felt like I was supposed to be there. Then, with all the energy and enthusiasm I usually bring to such a gathering, I launched into my Be There Dad parables. I looked at the people sitting before me and while their faces looked different than mine; their eyes told me their hearts beat with the same feelings as all the other parents I had led before. I saw parents who hoped their children would grow to be happy, healthy, self-sustaining adults. I saw parents concerned about how the “real” world could impact them. They were sitting in a hot gym after a long day because they knew that their involvement was critical to their children “turning out right”.
Faith, Hope and Love
As I accelerated into full “Coach Jeff mode”, I realized the overwhelming feelings in that room were the same three I have centered my life upon. Faith, Hope and Love. As I told the story of David and Goliath and asked, “Why have you come to do battle”; I could see their faith rise to the surface. As I questioned “how do you define winning?” I could see the hope that they could lead their children on their journey. And as I retold my favorite story, “As Much as I Ever Will”, I could feel the love for the children who were lucky enough to have these adults as their parents.
Parents everywhere succeed and fail for many reasons. I have done both. The reasons are too many to count. But, the parents who come to our workshops want to find a way to succeed. The foundation of Be There Dad has always been to show up. “Get the ball close to the goal and good things will happen”. The magic of our workshops is simple. When we show up, good things seem to happen.
Making a Connection
That evening as I approached MLK middle school, I was apprehensive as I suppose some parents were, too; but we hung together. We gave each other a chance. We all showed up and good things happened. By the end of the evening, we made a connection. We were refreshed and enthused. We felt encouraged to continue down the path. We took away ideas about how to “fight the good fight”. No one was more invigorated or learned more than me. My concerns had faded away. The media had given me a different expectation; but, if I closed my eyes, I could have been in any of the other places where I have led “be there” parents before,… from south Charlotte to Rock Hill to Asheville; public and private schools; churches, soccer fields and gyms. In that middle school, I came face to face with the truth I had hoped for. The feelings of parents are universal. They are the ties that bind us. And, we all experience them through the same adventure… raising our kids. Wherever they are, parents love their children and want them to grow to be happy. Parents want to take them by the hand and show them the lessons of life. When we ask, “will you be a hero to your children?” Parents everywhere say, “I will”.
I finished that session with a story that has yet to fail me anywhere, “Nobody Wins Until We All Do”. It is the tale of a runner who falls during a race, but is picked up by his fellow competitors and, then escorted to the finish line. Once again, the old standby worked. Heads nodded, a few eyes moistened and the story tugged at hearts as it always does. Nobody wins until we all do. In my very blessed life, I wonder, how many folks have I passed by and left behind… not because I intended to hurt or harm, but just because I have been too focused on staying in my own lane and finishing my own race. Or, because I didn’t look to see who was running along with me.
What Should I Do Because I Am ?
I wonder how many more opportunities there are “out there” for me to facilitate, coach
and help parents help their kids. I wonder how many opportunities I have missed because I was afraid for one reason or another. Maybe I need to continue to look beyond my comfort zone and go to those places that are unfamiliar. Maybe I need to venture into the other lanes of this life. Maybe I need to reach out to folks who are weary, slower, or carrying a heavy burden. Maybe I need to remember that others are not always competing against me and that we can all declare victory together. We all need each other. So, maybe I should go where I am uncomfortable physically, emotionally or spiritually a bit more often… maybe instead of comforting myself by asking “What would I do if I was not afraid?”; perhaps I need to ask, “What should I do because I am?”
