I have been thinking a lot about the values we need to pass on to our children. How we fill their back packs. Recently, I have written about the need to teach hard work, discipline, civility, kindness and perseverance. I have written about dads making themselves available for conversation with their kids. I have written about our responsibility as dads to lead the next generation. As usual, I wonder how we might change the course of our society and culture if we helped our children understand and commit to the essential values of our communities. We need to prepare them to write the next chapter in our history. If we see the foundations of our communities weakening because of inattention to values and character; as dads it may be time to reclaim the values we believe in. Maybe we should intentionally revisit them – one at a time. This week my attention was drawn to the virtue of patience. First, some family folklore.
We’re First in Line
When I was about eight years old, I was riding in the car with my aunt and cousins on a busy city street. We were caught in one of those left hand turn lanes without a designated arrow. Because of the oncoming traffic, with every cycle of the light only one or two cars were able to proceed when the light finally changed. Drivers waiting in the long queue became more frustrated and impatient as they watched the cars ahead of them progressing more slowly than they hoped. Each time the light changed, they moved up two car lengths, then sat and waited for the next cycle. Anxious to get to our destination, our frutration increased along with them.
Nevertheless, we did move forward slowly. Then after what seemed like an eternity, the car in front of us made the turn and we were left with no one in front of us. As she brought the car to a stop, my aunt turned to me and said cheerfully, “Well, at least now we’re first in line.” In that moment, my aunt tossed a lesson about patience (and optimism) into my backpack.
When the light turned green again, we rounded the corner and made it to our destination with time to spare, having left our unnecessary impatience behind. My aunt was one of my heroes. In her own way, she guided me with examples that others in my life could not. Her outlook was full of optimism and her guidance was pure and simple. She seemed to know that “slow and steady wins the race”.
Déjà vu
In a moment of Déjà vu, this week during morning rush hour traffic I was waiting to make a left hand turn
onto another busy street. In my mirrors I could see the anxiousness setting in on other drivers hoping to make the turn on the next cycle. When the light changed to green again, drivers moved forward quickly, streaming around the corner until the last one made it through as the light turned to red. I was left behind. Instinctively I channeled my aunt’s patience. I dipped into the backpack I still carry and said to myself, “Well, at least I am first in line.” I felt her calmness. No stress. I knew I would be next. The two-minute wait before I was on my way was lost in the balance of my day. Patience. A value reclaimed. Passed on by someone who knew its worth.
I wonder if all children had a similar example about exercising patience and appreciating the result, we might have a more positive tenor in our lives. Would we all be calmer?
Patience. Formally defined as “the capacity to endure difficult circumstances, delays, or provocations without becoming angry, frustrated or anxious. Remaining calm with a positive mindset while working through challenges or waiting for desired outcomes to unfold.” What if we put a little bit more of that in our kids’ backpacks?
Don’t Hurry
The world seems to be running low on patience. Surely we have all had a similar experience in local traffic. In another important context, how many times do we see people respond immediately to text messages or social media posts without having the patience to stop and think about what to say? I am wondering if slowing our pace and adding some reflection may do some good. After those reactionary responses, how often do we think that maybe we could have responded differently, having given another moment’s thought? More politely. With a touch of understanding or empathy. How many misunderstandings or arguments might be avoided if we all took the time to think before we spoke or typed? Legendary basketball coach John Wooden instructed his players, “Be quick, but don’t hurry.” Perhaps patience is still the best advice.
A Simple Value
As we seek to teach our children about civil face to face interactions, perhaps we should remind them that Abraham Lincoln once famously said, “I would rather remain silent and be thought a fool than open my mouth and remove all doubt.” Many others have shared the adage, “we have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak.” What if we all did exercise more patience, listen more and speak only after thinking? Might we have the makings of the civil discourse so many of us desire? What does a few moments of silence gain you in conversation? Let me think about that. Maybe I should pause and appreciate that I am “first in line” to comment.
Wait on It
On the baseball field, I was taught when the pitcher threw a curve ball, I should wait on the slower 
pitch to break, then hit it squarely to right field. Waiting to see what pitch was thrown, then deciding if it was “a pitch I wanted to hit.” Swinging too aggressively before the ball moved usually left me swinging at air. A little patience and a single to right left me standing on first base.
Listening while others speak. Taking a deep breath. Pausing and reflecting before responding. Might that allow us to see and hear each other? Might it add some decency to our interactions? Give time to understand our differences? To build relationships? Allow us to work together? To strengthen the foundations of our communities?
On our path to reclaiming a multitude of values, it seems that patience is a good place to start. Stay tuned.
