I coached rec league soccer for fifteen years. From kindergarteners to seniors in high school. Boys and girls. Experienced players and newcomers. I think if you asked the parents whose kids were on our teams, they would tell you that I was usually patient and compassionate. Occasionally I had to be strict. Sports were vehicles to learn more than just the game. Sports provided the opportunity to teach lessons of life. Among them were respect, acceptance, teamwork, and accountability.
Two Rules
Most of the time, life is simple. Keeping with that concept, at the beginning of each season, I told the players that I had only two simple rules to follow.
First, whenever we were in a huddle or having a conversation, there was no talking over another. No interruptions. This was primarily intended for when I was giving instructions, but it also applied whenever anyone on the team “had the floor”. While this may seem like a simple rule, there was a lot wrapped up in it. Keeping that rule went a long way in teaching respect for others and their points of view. A polite conversation without interruption can also result in resolving differences amicably.
For a violation of this rule, (after an appropriate warning) there was a consequence. If a player chose not to be a part of the
orderly discussion, interrupted or spoke out of turn; they were required to run laps around the field while the rest of us finished the conversation.
The second rule was equally simple. There would be no negative behavior towards a fellow teammate. No unwelcome teasing. No bullying. No belittling. Likewise, this behavior came with a consequence. When a player acted inappropriately towards another, they were directed to sit on the sidelines. Whether during practice or a game, the player was excluded from participation for some period. A “time out.”
When you break the rules, there are consequences. Talk in the huddle. Don’t want to listen? You run laps around the field. Belittle another player in any way? Go to the sidelines. Sit out practice or the rest of the game. To these rules, I had no exceptions. No excuses. No pardons. Were these rules strict? Maybe. But there were lessons to be learned – probably more important than hearing the coaching instructions or playing in the scrimmage. Lessons for their backpacks. Carried for a lifetime.
What Did We Learn?
What did these rules teach? Respect for each other. Recognizing the dignity of each person. There are consequences to your actions. Think twice before you open your mouth. While I tried to teach a lot of things on the the soccer field, I suppose if I got those lessons to stick, I considered it a successful season. I know this. No player broke the rules more than once. I wonder if today my former players are more likely to listen while others speak; and to think before they speak? I wonder if they have more respectful relationships with their partners and friends?
A Homily About Unity
In her homily during the church service as part of the Presidential Inauguration, Bishop Budde spoke about the need for unity in our country. She suggested that to build unity, we need to start with having dignity and respect for all others. Differing political opinions, approaches and strategies are all acceptable; but we should build our lives, our community and our world on core concepts, the first of which is human dignity.
Have respect for everyone. God loves us all. So we should love them, too. Tolerance. Acceptance. Respect for every person. I think our soccer rules were examples for learning that concept. Simple rules. Easy to understand. No exceptions. I wonder if we start early with teaching respect, then the homilies we hear as adults will be healthy reminders rather than admonitions for change?
As a coach, I was trying to help grow good citizens. I did the best I could. I taught teamwork which in our everyday lives translates to unity. Indeed, as Bishop Budde reminded us, the first step towards unity is respect. I am not aware of any of my former players who are playing sports professionally anywhere; but, I like to think that many who followed my rules have become caring parents trying to teach their kids the value of respect and how it leads to unity.
