In a few weeks, we will hold our yearly Evening with Be There Dad event. This annual gathering is a time for dads to reflect on the “big picture” of fatherhood. The theme for discussion this year will be “beyond carpool line”.
Specific Lessons, Experiences and Skills
I have written often about enabling our children to become happy, healthy, self-sustaining and spiritual. We have talked about imparting specific character traits such as honesty, integrity, civility; and disciplines including perseverance, hard work, and dedication to equip them. As engaged dads we seek to do this through our actions, our service and role modeling.
We focus on these fundamentals; but, like our evening with dads, at least once each year, we should step back and ask, “Where does that all lead?” We are trying to make our children strong individuals, but there is more. Looking forward, as parents, we are preparing our children to take our places in our families and our community. Some day we will move on. We will ask our children to step in to fill the positions of good citizens and good parents when it is their turn. Then, just like the juniors on the team, when the seniors graduate, they must be prepared to answer the “next man up” call to action.
Pack Mules and Gap Soldiers
As dads we have talked about our roles as leaders driving the family SUV. I liked to describe myself as a pack mule carrying the heavy load until my children could haul it themselves. I have often referred to dads as gap soldiers. Those who fill the gaps until their children can assume that duty. The time will come when our children will be next in the queue to fill those gaps before their children waiting behind them. Will they be ready? Are we helping them understand that “someday responsibility”, too?
The wisdom we pass on is not just a pile of individual lessons. 
Each is a building block. It is the assembly of all those components that should be a dad’s aspiration. Some of this, some of that. Foundational pieces to make them strong enough to bear the weight. Flexible pieces to allow them to tackle a wide range of challenges. Uniquely shaped and sized parts that will make them creative. Like all of us, they will need a bit of each.
Growing Adults
If we remember that “Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded,” we will recognize the need for proper planting to establish strong roots, feeding to fuel their growth, pruning to help them discard the unnecessary, room to branch out and watering of their souls to enable them to endure the journey. All this so that they may eventually blossom in their own place in the community garden.
Recently, I played a few games of pickleball with my son. The scores were lopsided in his favor. We should hope there comes a time when our children will outdo us. This weekend I watched as my neighbor worked with his teenage son raking leaves in their front yard. Knowing how to get those leaves in the bags and to the curb is the first lesson; understanding that one day the clean-up will be his responsibility for his family and neighborhood is another.
Our children have seen us direct cars in drop-off line. They have watched
us as we trimmed bushes on a school beautification day. They have observed us as we have found the way to drive our family vehicle safely down the road. With a multitude of experiences in hand, will our sons, daughters and their peers recognize that it will be their responsibility to take those gifts and use them for the benefit of others? Can you envision your children filling your spot in carpool line? Spreading mulch and planting trees at your school as you did? Sitting patiently as a mentor and listening as a young student reads aloud?
Stepping into the Future
Research tells us that people have become isolated and self-centered. Many would argue that the need for interaction, assuming responsibilities and supporting others are critical elements in the continuity of our society. Will our children know to take their place to contribute and cooperate? Will they believe they are the gap soldiers who should defend the fortress we call democracy? Will they help others carry their loads? Dads have a responsibility to show our children not only the steps they take today, but the ones that await them in the future. As Abraham Lincoln so wisely proclaimed, “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”
