Last week I was volunteering on my usual day at the food pantry when a new volunteer joined us. She was 
a young lady who appeared to be thirty-something. I introduced myself and then asked the question, I always ask: “So, what do you do when you are not volunteering here? I often get a response about the person’s job, schooling or sometimes their other volunteer activities. To my delight, this young woman said simply, “I am a mom.” After that ice breaker, she revealed that she was a stay at home mom with three children who felt a need to help others. As we packed and loaded groceries that morning, the conversation continued comfortably, and we learned much more about each other. It became apparent in her story that she not only called herself a mom, but she was living her life consistent with that description. I feel confident her children would attest to that. While I may not remember all the details she shared with me, I will never forget that she is a “mom.”
From the very beginning, at Be There Dad we have tried to learn from moms. So many of them know how to be good parents and are confident in the fact that being a mom is the most important of all their responsibilities. Since I heard that mom state her description so spontaneously, I have been wondering anew how we encourage dads to be as self-assured when answering that question about themselves.
How We Live
In a recent column, David Brooks shared a description of a person’s position as a Christian. He said a person’s life (their way of living) speaks more about their faith than what they think or say about God. Perhaps a paraphrase can describe a dad. The way a man lives his life day to day speaks more about his being a dad than what he thinks or says about himself. What we do and how we act tells others who we are.
Early on I wrote about my first coaching experience and how I mistakenly thought having a tee shirt, hat and whistle were enough to make me a coach and enable me to lead my young players. I quickly discovered that for players to follow me, I had to show them that I cared. That I would be there for the practices and the games – no excuses – and be attentive to each and every player. I had to be engaged and committed in actions and deeds. Take Them by the Hand, Who Is Going to Coach Us? p.4
Provide, Care and Share
Scott Galloway author of Notes on Being a Man has addressed the objectives he feels men need to pursue. Simply stated they are providing for, caring about and sharing time with your children. In a similar way, Winston Churchill famously said, “We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.” Dads have different gifts and talents to give; but universally, in the end, our contributions will be measured by the children we have dedicated to serve. Did we provide, care and share our time?
Getting Stuff Done
Long ago, we decided that as Be There Dads and our dads groups, the thing that would set us apart and make us impactful would be that we “get stuff done”. Reliable and dependable. Being there when we say and doing what we say. Showing up for dinner. Helping with homework. Playing catch. Reading stories. And collectively, showing up at car pool line and clean-up day, moving chairs for assemblies, keeping appointments to tutor and mentor. Consistency is a powerful force. Small wins every day build to great things over time. “Great moments are born of great opportunity.” Herb Brooks. Moments of opportunity come to us every day.
Consistency has helped me along the way. Readers know I run every day, but 
I have never attempted to run a marathon. Although running twenty-six miles on one day is a huge accomplishment, my goal has been to “get stuff done” every day. Over the course of forty-five years, I have run over 85,000 miles. Rain or shine, hot or cold, tired or refreshed, my to-do list is short or long, no matter the excuse; almost every day, I go for a run. I find a way. Lace up my shoes and go. My routine has set the discipline for the other things in my life, especially being present for my children. Most days, I have found a way to provide, care and share for my children as well – rain or shine.
I Am A Dad
Society encourages us to answer from a checklist. Occupation. Salary. Political party. Religion. Race. Shouldn’t there be an option for “dad”? And, shouldn’t that be our selection? That simple response should guide decisions we make about where we work, how we work, where we worship, how we vote, and how we spend our time. In short, how we live our lives. If we consistently live our lives by daily providing, caring and sharing with our children; like my newfound “mom” friend, when someone asks us “what do you do?”, we should confidently answer, “I am a dad.” 
