An Oscar Winning Film
At the Academy Awards last week, a documentary entitled All the Empty Rooms won an Oscar for Best Documentary Short Film. The film was prompted by an idea from Steve Hartman a well-known journalist from CBS. For years Steve has been the correspondent who regularly brings “feel good” stories to the national news broadcasts. In recent years he was assigned air time after school shootings to reflect and try to recapture some normalcy after the tragic situations. Understandably, as time went by, he felt that the country had become numb to the heartbreak of the shootings. So, he sought a different approach.
This week I watched the documentary. I applaud Mr. Hartman for his insight and courage to make the film. I believe his intentions were laudable and he accomplished his objective. Now we have the opportunity to respond.
Focus on the Victims
It seemed the news media had spent a lot of time focusing on the shooters in those incidents. 
Steve wanted to refocus on the victims. The children. He set out with a photographer to visit the homes of children who had been killed in school shootings. In the film he is shown visiting those homes and the empty bedrooms of the children. All the rooms he visited had been left essentially as they were from the day the children were killed. Frozen in time. Toys, clothing, pictures and other possessions clearly evoking memories of the children who lived there.
In interviews, parents told of spending time in the rooms to pray, remember and reflect. In one room was a basket of dirty clothes and in another was a child’s “blankie” both of which still held the scent of the child, just as they had on the day of the shootings. Watching I could feel the pain. I cried. I prayed I would never have to face what those parents had endured.
As a father himself, Mr. Hartman reminds us all that school shootings are not just news items. They are real tragedies. Children die. Their rooms will be forever empty, and their parents will feel the pain for the rest of their lives. We should watch and emphatically ask again, “How can this happen?” And as parents, we should ask, “What can we do?”
Make It Personal
I do not have the answers, but I do know there is so much that can be done. The issues are complex, but not insurmountable. There are steps that can be taken. We just have to muster the courage to take them. I am reminded of the many protests that are taking place around the country today. Because people perceive their own personal freedoms eroding, they are taking to the streets and demanding action. Recent indications are that some representatives are listening. A friend of mine has written to every Republican in Congress pleading for action. Each of us can do something. We should all see school safety as our own personal concern. There should be no more pressing or unifying issue in our nation than protecting the lives of our children.
If America Could See the Bedrooms
As everyone knows, I am an advocate of gun regulation. It is an indisputable fact that if the shooters couldn’t get their hands on guns, they could not shoot students. In my view there are many ways we can limit access to and the proliferation of guns without stomping on the rights of all gun owners. Background checks. Limits on assault weapons. Certainly, we can take steps to keep the guns from those who will use them in a malicious way. Our representatives in Washington need to do their duty to safeguard our children. I wonder if they all had to walk with Steve Hartman into the empty room
s of their own children or grandchildren, they might be moved to get something done. The sense of absence should be overwhelming. If that experience would not move them to action, then we have the wrong people leading us. During the acceptance speech at the Academy Awards, a mother of one of the victims said, “We believe if the world could see their empty bedrooms we would be a different America.”
Someone Could Have Stopped Them
It also seems evident that many (unfortunately using the descriptor “many” has become appropriate) of the shooters are young men who in my words have lost their way. Some have mental health issues, some are isolated, some have no one to talk to, some think no one cares, some have no positive influence, some financial woes. And the list goes on. But it is a solvable list.
While it is always perilous to generalize, I wonder, what would have happened if all those who committed school shootings had a positive role model who they believed would listen and who cared about them. If they did, I wonder how many of the incidents would not have occurred? Research tells us that most of the shooters admitted afterward that someone could have stopped them. Again, the issues are complex, but there are options. More counselors in schools. That is a prioritization on funding. More mentor programs. Many of which could be led by volunteers. More recognition of and attention to mental health issues. To name a few.
Basic Values
For me, it still comes down to some basic values. Looking out for others. All the children, not just ours. Building relationships. Helping kids believe they can talk to us about anything and that we will listen. Creating and encouraging community where everyone is valued and no one is left out. Holding our leaders accountable to do what is right. These are all things we can do. In different ways in different places; but the objectives are the same. At Be There Dad we will continue to encourage adults to be aware and involved. Gun-related incidents remain the number one cause of death among all teens and children under nineteen years old.
Absence is Not an Option
Mr. Hartman has set us on a path to reconsider our options and do what is right. I encourage us to think about what we can do. How can we help? Write our representatives. Volunteer at school or church. Become a mentor. What we choose to do today can determine the future for our children. Presence is a powerful force. Absence is not an option.
If you are not yet convinced, tonight as you are about to retire, walk to the door of your child’s room and imagine that the room will always remain as it currently is; but that it will never again be occupied. No laughter. No smiles. No hugs. Just silence. Imagine it could become another one of the empty rooms.
Then, imagine what you could do.
