Annually during this week of Father’s Day, I usually talk about the impact that dads can have on their children. In Take Them by the Hand I wrote, “Of all the things we do in our lives, 
as adults and parents, the most important may be to teach and guide our children.” And then continuing in Be There Dad, “Our children will learn the lessons of life from someone, somewhere, sometime. Be There Dads know that it is best when those lessons are taught by fathers.”
Over the years, I have discovered that when I engaged with children; when I watched and listened; those experiences led me towards my own enlightenment as well. I realized that while I was busy trying to fill kids’ backpacks, I was continuously adding to my own. So, this Father’s Day, I want to remind us how our kids enhance our lives. In their presence, we become better fathers, parents and people.
Ken Burns once encouraged college graduates to “make babies” at some point. He told them that one of the greatest things that can happen to them is to have someone to worry about more them themselves. Parenting can teach us how to serve. And if that is all we learn from guiding children, that may be enough.
But for me there has been so much more. Here’s some of what I gained from telling stories, coaching, teaching, answering questions and sometimes, just showing up.
Make a Difference for Every One
I have told a well-known story about an old man walking on a beach. It was low tide and the exposed sand was covered with starfish for as far as the eye could see. As he walked along the beach, the man repeatedly bent over, picked up one of the starfish and threw it as far as he could back into the ocean water.
A younger man approached the old man as he took his morning walk from the opposite direction. As he came close to the old man, he asked, “Sir, I have been watching you toss starfish back into the ocean for quite some time. Why are you doing that?” The old man replied, “If the starfish lie on the sand until the next high tide, they will certainly die under the heat of the bright sun. If they are thrown back into the ocean water, they have a chance to survive.” In a doubting tone, the young man asserted, ‘Look at all the hundreds of starfish that lay on this beach. Surely, you do not think one man can make such a difference.’ Silently, the old man bent over once more, grabbed yet another starfish and hurled it far into the ocean. As he stood upright, he looked at the young man and confidently responded, ‘I made a difference for that one.’
Telling the stories. I learned that all souls are precious (including the adults). I must be patient, persistent and caring for every one.
Walk my Talk
For thirteen years, each week at soccer practice, I had to prepare and deliver a devotional. A meaningful lesson, presented in a way the players could understand and they could relate to our practice. I encouraged lessons of teamwork, selflessness, hard work, humility, and sportsmanship. If I wanted the players to listen, I had to walk the talk… follow my own lead. Since the very first day on the soccer field, my kids and the other players have been watching to see if I could live up to the values I espoused. Knowing that young hearts were holding me accountable encouraged me to strive for higher standards. The lessons and values I tried to teach the kids have proven to be invaluable to me.
Set Priorities
A favorite lesson involved the juggling of tennis balls with words I had written on them. Those words stood for priorities in our lives. School. Work. Money. Fame. Family. Soccer. God. Admitting that I could only juggle three balls at a time, the lesson was that whichever three balls (priorities) I chose to juggle, the God ball needed to always be in the mix. As I juggled the balls, I questioned whether I was “practicing what I preached.” Was I keeping the right priorities in order? Every week, a new lesson, every week a chance for me to assess my life.
Find the Answers. Seek the Truth.
While they grow, children generate what often seems like an endless list of questions and wonderment. Why is the sky blue? Where do the squirrels sleep at night? Why are there nine players on a baseball team? What makes the tide go in and out? Why are some kids mean to others on the playground? Why do adults on television argue? Why can’t everyone just get along? And more… What is the answer to eleven times twelve? What makes the colors of a rainbow? What is the capital of Vermont? What is free speech?
I found the answers because the kids asked the questions. The questions are the first step on the pathway to the truth.
Be Humble
Many of you will remember the story about my first chance to 
substitute as head coach for a soccer team of twelve-year-olds. Overly full of self-confidence and dressed in my coach’s shirt and hat, I gave pre-game instructions and encouragement. When I asked if there were any questions, one boy, who recognized the absence of our regular coach, looked at me and asked, “who’s going to coach us?” A simple lesson in humility.
As I lived through those experiences, I had the chance to become a better version of myself. Would I have found the answers if children hadn’t asked? Would I have taken the time to wonder about the clouds, the birds, and the universe? Would I have had the humility to keep my ego and priorities in check? Would I have cultivated patience? Would I have learned to listen? This I know. I have come closer to the version of the person I want to be, because I encouraged children to become the persons they were meant to be.
Thank you to all the kids who have been present in my life. Dads, too, will learn the lessons of life from someone, somewhere, sometime. Why shouldn’t we learn from our children?
Happy Father’s Day!
