This month I had the opportunity to attend the high school graduation of my nephew. 
The son of my younger brother and the youngest grandchild of my parents. We travelled out of state to gather with family to show our support and recognize that our presence is the most important gift we can give. As this wonderful mature teenager celebrated the completion of his high school years and he looks forward to attending college this fall I am reminded of the lyrics of the song Closing Time, “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”
Turn the Page
Although written for another context, the words of this song help me focus on what is in store for all the graduates. As the song continues, this ceremony was the commencement of a “time for you to go out to the places that you will be from.” When the graduates moved their tassels, they symbolically turned the pages on the stories they have already written and began contemplating the next chapter in their lives. With hope buoyed by a diploma in hand and a backpack full of lessons, experiences and values to help guide them, they march on.
Pursuing New Lessons
As the line of red caps and gowns crossed before us, it occurred to me that while these “children” have progressed through a series of ends and new beginnings – elementary, middle and high school; their engaged dads have done the same. Dads who are involved with their children from an early age acquire an education with their kids. With each new beginning, we apply what we have learned, then pursue new lessons. At the onset, we must learn just how to be dads and then continue to learn as the opportunities and challenges of fatherhood unfold before us. We must learn from and, more importantly, for our children. The problems become progressively harder. The questions more complex. Recognizing numbers turns into addition and subtraction; then fractions; then algebra and geometry… and maybe even calculus. Picture books add words and stories and then there are the classics. Helping them with homework gets more difficult. And so too the social issues. Sharing. Playing with others on the playground. Making new friends, fitting in, auditioning for the school play, being cut from the basketball team, driving a car… prom night.
Dads who choose to be engaged accept that we must continue to learn. We may struggle, but most succeed. It is not that we are expected to solve all the problems, but that we walk alongside our children to support them as they try. “We don’t grow because we know the answers, but rather because we struggle with the questions.” Fatherhood is a journey for a lifetime. Dads grow with their children. Then, when they leave for college, a job, the military, and the other places they will be from, we pray that they have the confidence to grapple with the new challenges.
Fatherhood Makes Us Better
The path of continual learning requires hard work. But we should be thankful that we have been allowed on that journey; because raising children makes us all better. Research suggests that the more dads are engaged with their children, the more successful the dads will be in their own careers. I suppose that carries over into the other aspects of their lives in a similar way. If we grow because of engagement with our own children; I wonder how our own personal growth might multiply if we engage with other children as well?
In a university commencement speech, acclaimed filmmaker Ken Burns gave the graduates a litany of advice. Within that list, somewhat surprisingly he included, “At some point, make babies.” Then we went on, “One of the greatest things that will happen to you is that you will have to worry about someone other than yourself. It is both liberating and exhilarating.” Responsibility, caring and compassion – core values for their backpacks.
Writing Our Own Stories
On graduation weekend, we look at our children’s yearbook – a year in their life. 
Collectively their “annuals” give some perspective of our children’s lives over several years. What they have done and how they have changed. On this day, naturally we all wonder what will the pictures look like in the yearbooks yet to be published. What will they do? Who will they become? We hope for the best as they assume responsibility for writing their own stories.
I wonder if dads should be thinking about the chapters of their own books of life and especially what we have yet to write. Wherever dads are in their journey, there will always be a next chapter. And a next. How would we like our stories to develop? What will we need to know? In kindergarten? In middle school? In high school? In college?
What Have We Learned?
This weekend most of us will be “celebrated” as fathers. Gifts, cakes and hugs to recognize all we have done for our children. Like a moving up ceremony, we celebrate another year of involvement. Well deserved. But like graduation, our journeys do not end here. Another new beginning. We must move on. So when the celebration of fatherhood is over and the attention on you wanes, I encourage you to take a few quiet minutes and ask, What’s next? What will my new beginning look like? What story do I want to write in the next chapter? How do I continue to “be there” for my children?
Then take another moment and think about the other kids, too. What can we all do to assure that they will walk across the stage at their own commencements? I cannot let this moment go by without recalling that this is the year that the student victims at Sandy Hook would have graduated from high school and ask, What have we learned?
We can’t stay here.
