What We Remember
One way a society is measured is by what it chooses to remember and what it chooses to forget. Periodically, I want to publicly remember and share some of the ideas and values Be There Dad has cherished in the past. In her book, Fierce Conversations, Susan Scott told us, …”our relationships and our lives succeed or fail gradually and then suddenly one conversation at a time.” Our objective has been to encourage intentional conversations so that our relationships with our children will succeed. We have called that Intentional Dialogue. Today the ability to engage in communication with our children may be as important as it ever has been. There are many strategies to do so. Years ago, I discovered one interesting way; then wrote about it in Be There Dad. Here, I “remember” that strategy once again.
Intentional Presence
I wrote: Intentional dialogue comes in many forms. Be There Dads have to look for opportunities to communicate with their 
children and sometimes it takes creativity and persistence. Like most busy dads, I often have had to leave the house for work before I saw my kids in the morning. Very often, I left early to catch an airplane for a business trip and I was gone for a day or two. So, I tried to create a “presence” that would stay with them while I was away. Often I left handwritten notes for my kids in strategic places where they would find them after I left. If I just wanted to wish them a great day, I would make a handwritten note and leave it at their place on the breakfast table. Usually, it was just a piece of brightly colored construction paper folded over to make a card with a message written in crayon or marker. Those messages said something simple like “Have a great day!” or “Good luck on your math test.” or “Good luck at the game tonight”. I always finished with “Love, Dad”. They did not have to be fancy. They took less than five minutes to make.
Thinking of You
It truly was the thought that counted. It was just a little touch point to let my child know I was thinking of him, even if I could not be there in person.
Because no one in my family is a morning person, I think the kids often viewed the cards without comment or expression. Rarely, did I get a comment back. But, I have often hoped that these little notes made a difference. Maybe once in a while they brought a smile in the morning. Maybe on a day when they were about to struggle, the thought that I was looking over their shoulder made a difference.
Persistence
Once I tried to test both my persistence and presence. We have a small whiteboard on the front of the refrigerator. 
We use it to write notes for others, just as many families do. My wife and I also use it for reminders to ourselves about any number of things from groceries to dry cleaning to home repairs. Often there are little cryptic notes only we can understand. One day, when I was in a very positive mood, and no one was looking, I took a marker and wrote “smile” on the board. I did not say a word to anyone about the note, but I left it there for about one week.
Listen to the Silence
I knew my wife had seen the word and reacted as she had many times before. After thirty years of marriage, I am sure she acknowledged my exuberance and undying positive attitude, but did not need to say anything. Neither did my daughter say anything. Somehow I suspected she had seen the word, but as a teenager, she has not about to comment. So, I celebrated in silence, believing I had gotten the attention of both my wife and daughter, and probably made them smile a bit.
Rejoice
Then came the test of my persistence. Just to satisfy my own curiosity, after church the next Sunday, I secretly erased the
“smile” and replaced it with “rejoice”. Again, no comment from me. And even though others walked by the frig that afternoon, there was no reaction from anyone. I was reminded of the advice I had given others many times. Just like fishing, be patient and let the lines lay. Sooner or later, someone will come and take the bait. And so I waited. This time it took two days. On the second day, as I walked through the kitchen I noticed that just under the word I had placed there, carefully drawn in a hand that I knew was my daughter’s, there was a smiley face.
Acknowledgment
This was an acknowledgment that she had seen my communication and she responded. She was telling me, without words, “Yes, I saw your comment. Yes, I agree. But I am a teenager, so, let’s not talk openly about it.” Good enough. We were communicating. She had listened. I said to her, be happy as you are. She said I am. Cryptic, yet complete. Intentional dialogue. No one else needed to understand. I took what I got. It was more than I expected. I did not ask for more. I quit while I was ahead. I smiled and rejoiced.
If you are not happy here and now, you never will be
-Zen saying
