This week I had an encounter that reminded me of another value we ought to pass on to our children. It was a deja vu moment from my coaching days when we tried to teach the value of appreciation. I wrote about my original efforts inTake Them by the Hand. Here is an excerpt from that story. Please read along, then I will tell you how life became a circle for me.
(Take Them by the Hand, page 62)
With Individual Gifts
After instilling the team concept and the necessity of working
together, I find it equally important to teach ‘balance’. Each player must also appreciate the importance of his individual
contributions—no matter what they may be. My responsibility is to
identify those individual gifts; then, help the players see and
develop them.
I go back to the lessons of St. Paul where we learned about our
individual gifts and talents and how all our gifts contributed to one
body. I emphasize the point that we all have gifts and that we need
to use them to the greatest extent possible. By doing so, collectively
we will be a better team.
As I discover the gifts of each player, I encourage their
development. I encourage those with scoring ability to take the
shot. I encourage those with ball handling and passing ability to
find the open man and those gifted defensive players to make the
stop. Often others are encouraged to be the leaders, to help the
younger players, or to help keep us focused.
I found a great way to encourage and reward the individual
contributions while balancing the needs of the team. It is my
lollipop ritual at the end of the game. During the course of each
game, I keep statistics on the contributions of each player. Different
than traditional “stats”, in addition to goals and saves, my statistics
include items like hustle, effort and attitude. Truly, I try to keep
track of all the things that have helped us to play well that day.
For some players, the stats are easy. Goals scored. Assists
made. Saves made. For others, they are more difficult to capture.
Midfielders maintaining their positions and spacing. Players
moving the ball to others in scoring position. Outstanding effort
(measured by what that player has to give.) Encouragement of
teammates (“honking” from the bench!) usually shows up on my
sheet. The point is to find something positive that each player has
contributed to the team in every game.
When the game is over, I gather all the players in a circle where
they can see me and each other. I go down the roster and point out
the contributions of each player. I show as much enthusiasm for the
first player as the last and as much for the strongest player as the
weakest. As I recognize each player, I hand them a Tootsie Pop. I ask
the parents and other fans to celebrate along with us. Each player
gets a hearty round of applause…
Early in the season everyone begins to realize that all the
contributions do make a difference. Spontaneously, during the rest
of the games, they begin to cheer for all the subtle efforts (e.g.,
position, support) as loudly as they used to cheer for the more
obvious ones (e.g., goals and saves)….
Now this may seem like a silly little exercise that works for a
game or so and then loses its impact. That is what I thought when
I started this ritual years ago. But after 50 seasons with
players ranging from 5 to 18 years old, to my amazement, it still worked.
In my last season, I was leading a boys’ high school basketball
team with young men as old as eighteen and as tall as 6′ 4″. For the
first time I questioned how my lollipops might be received. So, as I
took out my bag after the first game, I said somewhat apologetically,
“Now some of you may think what I am about to do is a bit silly,
but it is important to me.” Before I could go further, my oldest player and the high scorer for the game, chipped in,
“What do you mean, coach? This is my favorite part of the game!”
Why are these lollipops so important? Some people play hard and work their back
sides off each week; but without scoring goals, their efforts would
never show in the box score statistics. I have found my way for us to appreciate
that effort.
What about the advantage for the team? I have learned this. In
a team sport like soccer, many players feel they get lost in the crowd.
It is easy for players to think no one cares how they play among all
the other players on the field. Not on my teams. From the moment
they are handed their first lollipop, my players know that I am
watching them the whole game…
As a devotional, I have asked my players, what might happen if
we all walked around with a bag of lollipops like the one I have. I
have wondered with them, what would happen if we all gave out
lollipops all the time? What if, when someone gave their best effort,
we said “good job” and handed them a sucker? What if, when
someone was nice to us, we said, “Thank you” and gave them a
lollipop? What if, when someone was sad, we just reached in our
bag, pulled out a lollipop and said, “I care”? What if…
I Appreciate You
Fast forward twenty years. This week I delivered some groceries to a woman on behalf of the local food pantry. 
When she opened the door to receive the box and bag I was delivering, she smiled and reached out with … you guessed it … a Tootsie Pop! Cheerfully she said, “thank you, I appreciate what you did today.” I smiled and graciously took the pop from her hand. My mind rushed back to those post-game circles many years ago. Literally hundreds of others had played a role in getting those groceries to her doorstep. I played a small and brief role. Mine was no more or less important than the others. Success depended on all of us. But in this analogy to a game of soccer, I was the one who scored the goal. She wanted me to know that I was appreciated; however, I sensed that she knew there was a team behind me and through her gesture she was thanking all the others as well.
I did not need the recognition. But on the last stop of my route when the temperature was 90 degrees, it did make me feel appreciated. So, I will come back again and do my best to support our team and help others who need it. I’ll also pass on to the team behind me that they are appreciated, too. Perhaps we will all feel better and play even better.
We teach our children to serve others without expectation of reward or recognition. However, showing appreciation to each other is a value I believe should go in their backpacks.
